Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, & Giggles
I never expected that at the age of 35 I would be introduced to a woman who could potentially become my second step-mother. My dad divorced my mother when I was six and within a year or so was in a relationship with a woman who became a constant, stable figure in my life. I'll call her "H". My dad and H lived together with her three children for almost ten years when they finally got married. They were married for another 16 years. Life at their house was good. I got along well with my step-siblings and it was family. It was my family.
It was also home base. As each of us left for college, we always made our way back home to this cozy cape code in Connecticut for holidays or breaks to reunite and share that family time together. It wasn't perfect, but it was home.
Three years ago my dad and H separated. I think we all knew they were going through some bumps, but none of us were expecting it to end in divorce. It did. Just like that.
So yesterday I find myself driving to Philadelphia to meet a woman my dad has been dating for nine months. He calls her Giggles and he enjoys her company and companionship greatly. I am torn. Torn between the family that was – the nostalgia of childhood and home and the memories that not only I hold near, but that my boys began to hold dear in the few years that they too felt this place as a sort of home. Torn between that...and the desire to want my dad to not be lonely, to have a companion, to enjoy the rest of his life with someone.
I had already decided that I would hug her when I greeted her. I'm a hugger and I wanted to just be myself. So as I walked across the Independence Hall Visitor's Center lawn to the Bourse Cafe I prepared myself for the embrace and the hours that would follow. Questions swarmed around in my head as I heard the clip-clop of the horse and carriages while I crossed 5th street. And there she was. We both initiated the embrace without hesitation. She offered me one of the waters she had just purchased and the afternoon commenced. We talked, walked, enjoyed the rich history of Old Town, ate treats, visited the B & B where they'd be staying, and eventually went to dinner.
After only eight hours together it was evident why my dad likes Giggles. She's spunky, considerate, attractive, intelligent, confident, and has a fantastic sense of humor. I left Phili at 10:30 last night to drive the hour home. It was a peaceful drive.
I'm glad I went. And I'm glad my dad has Giggles to keep him company.
13 comments:
I have an inkling at how hard that must have been for you to make that effort. But when things like that pay off in a positive way like yours did, it makes it so nice.
Thanks for sharing this story with us.
That's sweet, although I know it was difficult for you. I'm also proud of you for being strong and there for your dad. Those first moments set the path of the future.
My mum remarried a couple years ago - my first step father.. he's great.
arm - thanks for understanding. i told my sister early in the day yesterday that i just wanted to be selfish and stay home in my pjs all day and relax. i'm so glad i didn't. it was a very nice day :)
katie - that's such a kind thing to say! thank you. i'm glad it was so easy...she was very warm and welcoming too, which helped a great deal.
Yeah, it's great when you can genuinely like the new addition. So glad that happened for you.
It's funny how that works. I do that all the time - wanting to stay at home, etc. And then once I'm doing what I didn't want to do, I'm having a great time and wonder why I didn't want to go!
I can't imagine how hard that is. And being torn, between wanting your father's happiness, but sad over what was seemingly lost...
I'm happy to hear that your meeting with Giggles went so well, at least that's a good thing!
arm - it is silly really. i do that with things i'm afraid of too. like driving in the city. but saturday i did it...and it wasn't so scary after all.
seb - yep, it certainly is a good. it could have gone so many other ways. i'm grateful. and i came to realize that even if Giggles didn't come into the picture, i have to let go of what was anyway.
A difficult situation that you handled lovingly. Relationships are so complex.
pauline - they are complex. thankfully i'm not a grudge holder, so it makes embracing new people a lot easier.
I was just thinking about how things change and we add new people to our circles. It is always difficult though to lose that home base. That is hard. When my father died my mother sold the house we all gathered in and moved. Now we are never all together and don't have the safe spot to go to. Everytime I talk about moving my kids (esp. the ones who are out of the house) balk. I understand what it's about and don't think I will every sell this house. They need it and so do I.
mary - it's precious that you see how important it is to all of you. and though i'm sorry that you had that experience with your own family, it does help to have the kids' perspective when roles are changed. it's remarkable how a home can indeed be such a safe spot. thank you for sharing your experience.
Hi there !
I found your blog from a comment you left on Seb's blog - I'm looking for some good daily reading...
Must have been an ackward situation at first, but you seem pretty open-minded and everything worked out fine !
I smiled when you said "I'm a hugger"... Me to ;-)
Zhu - welcome, and thanks for stopping by :) Yes, I'm so glad it all worked out. Hugs are great indeed!
I just checked your place out too -- ugh, how i wish i were fluent in french!
No worries, most of the blog is in English. ;-)
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