Holiday Changes
The holidays have always been a time of reuniting with my family -- father, step-mother, step siblings, sister and her family, and grandmother. Until about seven years ago. Slowly the circle of reunion has deminished. My grandmother passed in 1999 at 97 years old. She was an amazing woman. Soon after that my sister's family and my family starting growing -- each of us having two little ones to bring home for the holiday stay. It was a challenge as the homestead wasn't big enough for both our families and the step-siblings (whom I got along with well). Shortly thereafter my marriage started to find itself in a difficult spot and travels home were with the boys and myself only. And then about two years ago, what I've considered my nuclear family for nearly 25 years and my homebase, was broken apart when my dad and step-mom separated.
It's been hard and painful and maybe I'm feeling it poignantly now becuase it's a week before Christmas and I've been alone for two days and just finished three Sam Adams' Heffeweizen beers (yeah, you heard me :) But the ache is real and it's all so different now. The holiday dynamics peaked when my husband and I separated two and a half years ago. For the last three years instead of going home to the comfort and traditions of my childhood residence, my father has come to stay with me and my boys for the holiday. I'm so glad that he wants to be with us and that he's open to our traditions, which are focused more on celebrating the birth of Jesus than Santa Claus bringing presents. But even though the shift in location and family make-up coinsided with the need for me to model the purpose of Christmas to my boys with our own new traditions, there's still an ache for what was. An ache for what will never be again.
I'm thankful that God takes what is broken and mends it into something much more beautiful than you could ever imagine. I'm looking forward to seeing what that "something" is... one day.
3 comments:
Beautifully expressed! Christmas is I think the most difficult of holidays for we place our own expectations of what should be. This season I have made a promise to myself to attend church as frequently as my schedule allows, even mid week. I have invited my children to come Christmas eve with the focus on church service prior to gift exchanges and the mania that can set in.I avoid the malls for people there have forgotten what we are celebrating altogether...Memories are treasures from our past, we all have them. Bring out your favorite ones to share with the boys and your Dad, the others can be safely stored like ornaments that we no longer chose to adorn our tree. This is a new year with new memories to make, may yours be happy, joyful,peaceful and blessed! Merry Christmas 2006.
I miss the "old" days myself. My daughters are grown with their own families and we live far apart. Yet, for me, it helps when I realize that my daughters and their children are continuing our traditions.. sometimes with a twist to personalize it even more.
pauline - it sounds like you have a good plan for putting first what really matters about Christmas. Thank you for the encouragement about the memories and traditions from my past and making them traditions that I continue with my boys. I do have one in particular that we have continued, and several new that we've been cherishing each holiday for the last 4-5 years. It's just that letting go of what was. I'm sure the farther I get from it, the easier it will be. Thank you! And may you have a blessed Christmas as well!
katie - that is neat to know that there were special things you created together that your girls are carrying on...even though you're not there. Wishing you a wonderful holiday as well!
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